The Queen's Language . . . Almost

"Give me a fish and I eat for a day.  Teach me to fish and I eat for a lifetime."

- Chinese Proverb

Nothing Instantaneous About It!

If only acquiring knowledge were as instantaneous as jabbing at that electric switch.

Everything that life has to offer cannot prove to be as instantaneous as ‘instant’ coffees now, can it? Things need planning and working toward it. Heck! Even coffee powder wasn’t manufactured in a day! The stark reality remains that ‘instant’ coffee is a laborious process spanning over a period of time, and involving the undying workmanship of a multitude. There is an appointed time, reason, and an opportunity, fortunately, for matters to unwind—we do a thorough job of what we need to and the rest always slides in, just like pieces in a puzzle. Learning is no different. It is a process that needs to be approached with loads of patience and sound knowledge of the subject.

Garbage In Garbage Out

Know your subject well, and your audience better. Then . . . preach. Before you decide to lure in a crowd, be assured that there are going to be gobs of nasty questions hurled at you—the more you dodge them, the more you are going to be cornered and incinerated. Be well-prepared with your subject, and you could save yourself from sweating pellets.

The term ‘layman’ may as well be considered obsolete—people today are smarter than they were few years back; they understand what is worthwhile, and what could eventually result in nothing short of a sheer waste of time, space, and energy. Meaning, if somebody is taking the trouble of making an appearance, giving ear to a topic of interest, it better be worth their time and the bucks. If you claim to teach, you better do a good job of it and ensure that people are able to decipher—cycle, recycle, and reuse. If you’re a beginner; learn to be a good listener first, or you probably will make a mockery of yourself—what leaves the mouth should be a consequence of what the ears translate information into, and vice versa.

As Good As It Gets

Most of us can effectively communicate in English and we’d like to believe that that’s all there is to the most widely used language—English. The fact remains, not everybody speaks the Queen’s language and they don’t seem to be too troubled about it either. The general attitude is, “So long as I can get myself a day’s meal, I’m fine with my English. Thank you. Moreover, I don’t have the time to sit and attend classes with some stranger breathing down a gallon of information down my neck (They don’t realize their children sit for eight straight hours in class every day!)

I’d like to believe there are two kinds of learners—those who are driven by circumstances, and those who learn because they want to get a little bit adventurous in taking interest in a language that contradicts itself at times—English.

Contradictory how? Take for example the pronunciations of these two words beginning with the same alphabet—G. ‘Gym’ and ‘Gum’—although, they begin with the same alphabet, the pronunciation differs. Then there are homophones that are pronounced the same way but differ in meaning—‘bare’ and ‘bear’; ‘eye’ and ‘I’; ‘fair’ and ‘fare’; the list can get as long as you want it to be—funny language, eh? Such is the beauty and expanse of English. You would agree with me at this point that we need to delve a bit into the yesteryear of the English language to have a better understanding.

Did You Know?

That English is a West Germanic language related to Dutch, Frisian, and German with a substantial vocabulary from French, Latin, Greek and other languages. The much refined form of ‘English’ as we understand today was not borne in a day or weeks; it came to be as a result of extensive and untiring efforts and perseverance—crushed, scattered, and sopped up. Regardless of how history has it, are we not glad that English did happen—the most widespread and the most sought after than any other language? Imagine you have friends who speak in ‘a’ language, let’s say, French; and then you have your sorry self, who speaks in Swahili. What happens? Nothing does! And that’s what the issue here is—the communication nullifies itself since both of you did not decipher what the other says. Language seems to have been the barrier here. A sound understanding and usage of one common language across the globe will prove to be the harbinger of friendship and solace. And we are rooting for English—widely used, widely accepted.

Tell Me Why

Imagine you are a frequent traveler, but are not versed in ‘the’ most universally accepted language—what do you do? (A) Do you sieve out every book on ‘languages’; or (B)­ Are you wise enough to learn, understand, preferably even master one language? Of course, it certainly is an accomplishment to cut into other languages; the only hitch being; you might not be able to toss ‘a’ particular language into every region on the map that you visit. Why? Because either you won’t be making any sense to your beholder, trying to bridge loose pieces of the language into a likely conversation (you might be grateful just to be alive; the consequences of mispronunciations could be fatal at times),

or maybe because it might seem like a timeless, nonproductive agenda.

On a larger, more profound scale—you are all set for a business encounter with the ‘big fish’ from various countries. Everything seems flawless, until each one opens their mouths, trying hard to make sense in their respective languages, rather than in English. The result—absolute chaos! No gain, only pain. And what does that tell us? We need to get our act together and perceive English as a strong bridge to intellectual freedom and expression and not as the road to perdition.

What Do I Do?

Just like teaching is not everybody’s cup of hot chocolate (some people prefer to hot chocolate and not tea), learning a language solely the bookish way is not everybody’s mode of doing things. Considering the human attention span in adults ding-dongs anywhere between 8 seconds to 20 minutes, be assured whatever spanning within this slot has more chances of being lapped up easy than what spills beyond—more like a ‘Chinese whisper’ effect, with a contorted ending; significantly disconnected from its beginning. Such is the effect of listening to a ceaseless, monotonous chronicle of intellectual jargon—something that does not suffice; it is essential that we amalgamate theory with some hardcore action as well. And this needn’t be monotonous or old school; it could be fun when approached with the right attitude and intelligence. We don’t say “Actions speak louder than words” for nothing. Know your audience well before you decide to embark on your speech. Yes, it does involve doing heaps of groundwork before presenting ‘a’ topic to an ever so inquisitive stratum of society.  And remember, your audience are not fools; they know when to strike and they strike hard. So don’t even think about questioning their intelligence.

How Do I Do What I Do?

Maintain spontaneous, steady bursts of ‘jargon’; predictable equals monotonous and clumsy. If you are thinking of reading aloud from a piece of paper; stop right there! Nobody needs a babysitter to read them bedtime stories; they would rather be home and read the same heroic tale in the comforts of their home; why do they need to listen to you; unless of course, the approach to teaching English is an out-of-the-box experience. 

Rather than glaring at strings of text woven together for hours, analyze how you can learn a language differently:

• Try not to stick to the ordinary—find yourself a pen pal with whom you can exchange text and verbal conversations. This way you’ll have a friend and there are chances of you being adept at the language.
• Maintain a daily journal—jot down the day’s events—what you did, places you visited, people you met with, what you ate, etcetera.
• Read a book—it could be any kind, on any topic, age-no bar; time no bar
• Watch a good, intelligent movie with subtitles—an audio/visual medium works best for almost everyone
• Listen to your favorite songs attentively, transcribe them, and read them with the help of a dictionary, and/or with someone who understands English well

The Games People Play

There is not one particular or apt way of mastering the English language. Some need to get down to the basics to gain a fair sense of the language. Some, if not all of us started with our nursery rhymes in kindergarten. And it was the inquisitiveness that led to the dominoes effect—frequent chain of questions backed with reasonably believable responses. We did jump start with our “A for apple, B for boy, C for Cat’ did we not? And the “Twinkle, twinkle little star . . .” The journey did evolve from the egg to the larva, to the pupa, and eventually the adult stage. And each stage requires for us to run that course before we alight onto the next. Patience, perseverance, and execution goes a long way when chasing a passion for learning; the catch here being ‘passion’.

The Funny Side of Things

The plural of box is boxes

But the plural of ox is oxen

A lone fowl is a goose, and a pair makes geese

However, the plural of mouse is never meese, but mice instead

And the plural of house is houses, why not hice?

And this is where I deem it best to rest my case.

“Learning is spontaneous, unpredictable, fun, passionate, dangerous.”

Bowring - Carr and Burnham